Irony

It is irony how things turns out to be. It happen when you least expect it and does not happen when there is a possiblility. It is bizzare how some people who are not supposed to help me, willingly spend some of their time helping me and praised me for the effort I put in. Otherwise, another person who is involved from the beginning to the end, not only isn't very helpful but is more self-centered. Should you be grateful to those who helped you unexpectedly more or to those who are there to help every now and then along the whole way?? Whatever that is going on, no one else can help you more than yourself. Sometimes you do wish that other people give a helping hand to make life easier. But it does not happen all the time. If you are lucky, you will get help and be grateful for it. Otherwise, just help yourself.

A nice day

When in mood is right, everything seems good. Even the bad things doesn't seem so bad after all. We tend to look at the bright side of things and sees the shining light. Little things tend to make us happy. Gently lay down the troubles aside, not wanting it to destroy this moments. We can deal with it later. The once upon a time anger, frustration, dissapointment towards a person was gone when I finally get a chance to meet her. Thought that a defensive battle of words was needed to protect myself. But it seemed to be a calm and peaceful discussion. A little useful, a lot more could be given. But it has always been this way, work hard on my own. Nothing more I could asked for. A short phone conversation but was enough to carve a smile. Additional conversation was not expected but ever more glad to have it. The excitement on the other side made me have something to look forward to. It felt so welcoming yet formal. Looking back at the problems that I faced for the past few months, it amazed me. Never realised I have gone through so much. Yet there will be more to come. I survived and I will continue to survive. Whether the following days will be easy or tough to face, that's to find out. No point worrying about the future when there are heaps to do at the present. Cheers and have a nice day!!

Sickness

Sickness is when:

• your body is telling you that you need to slow down after rushing all day long
• you need to get some rest and sleep
• you get some time off to love yourself
• you have to take good care of yourself because others can't help much

But sickness is also when:

• you realize who will actually look after you
• you find out to what extend others care about you
• you see how insensitive some people can be
• you find out how dissapointing the way some people act

No matter how much care you have given out, at the end of the day you can only count on yourself. Nevertheless, there are still some beautiful people to prove that there is still love around sickness.

An Update

Oh boy... it has been busy busy. It is the last semester before graduation. Everyone is getting busy, busy with final year project, busy enjoying the last few months of being a uni student, busy earning money as a casual worker etc etc. I have been busy with my supposedly-done-with honours project. Having to repeat the whole lab work again at this time of the year wasn't expected at all and frustrating like-hell. All my attempts to avoid repeating my lab work failed. It was just too much to swallow, that I surrendered. I just do what I had to and what I could do. Really much thanks to those that supported me and gave me advice, my mum and my dear friends. I wasn't ready to give up my casual work at the same time. Call me crazy or greedy. I wanted to have both and I did it. I woke up as early as 6am to reach my lab by 7am. And by noon, I would be done with my lab work n started working at my sandwich shop. A few days of that routine was enough to drain all my energy. Then, it was QUM (Quality Use of Medicine) placement time. It was a full-time placement from 8am to 430pm. There was a project to be done and it is still on its way. It has been an overwhelming experience to date and it was getting more comfortable at the same time. Unfortunately, it did not get any easier. There were other incidences happening at the same time. It is during these rough time that we will find out who their true friends are. It is kinda obvious. Who is sincere and who is not. It makes me wonder what happen to all those friends that we have when we are all healthy and happy. It is also at this time that people's real personality shines. How helpful or how selfish can one person be? How much does a person willing to sacrifice for others (in terms of time, money and effort)? How two-sided a person is? How impressive people can be with their actions and thoughts? And how much is too much? I am fine. I am well. I am just breathing. Nonetheless, there are people out there to make my day. There are people for me to vent my anger and listen to me whine. There are people to transform frustration into laughter. There are people to share the love with. Love you guys!!

i

i wanted to cry

i smiled

i was going to break down

i stood up

i wondered what's my luck

i moved on

Multiple choice

What do you do when you noticed your friend's behaviour/mood changed all of a sudden? A. find out what is going on with their life and try to help if there is a problem B. give them some space and time and then approach C. wait until they come to you with their problem and in the time being, act like nothing happen D. not bothered with the change in behaviour/mood as it does not concern you What do you do when you are not happy about someone? A. confront that person and let them know what you are unhappy about B. keep quite but it shows in your face C. unhappy at that moment but forget about it soon after D. compliant to other people What do you do when you realize you are not treating others nicely? A. apologise and try to make up for it B. just treat them nicer from this point onwards C. feel bad but not bothered to do anything about it D. some people are just not worth it, so continue treating them badly What do you do when you realize your relationship with a friend is growing apart? A. put in afford to make arrangement to meet up and catch up B. give them a call on the phone or start a chat on msn C. can't make any time to meet up as very busy with work currently D. not bothered to meet up as there are other better things to do What do you do when you have a conflict of interest with a person? A. open to discussion and try to work out the best outcome together B. accept the other person's opinion and respect the decision made without compromising your own stand C. get a second opinion for a third party D. convince that person that your way is better I wouldn't say there is a right/wrong answer for each question. Each and every answer may be correct depending on the situation and the person you are relating to. In a certain situation, "A" may seem more appropriate but "B" may not be incorrect as well. It depends on how you set your priority, which is more important to you. Some answer may seem inappropriate or mean, but it may be the optimal solution in real life. Life is harsh and sometimes you gotta make decisions that you are not really keen on to survive.

What do you do best?

What is your best quality about yourself? Playing computer games; sports (badminton, swimming, tennis etc); instruments (piano, guitar etc); drawing, singing; cooking, baking; photography, camping. Or something more abstract like public speaking, friendliness, time management, being organized. Or anything else. Yet a simple question as this seems difficult to me. I don't know what am I good at. I am never excel in one area. I just know a little of somethings. It is good but also bad. It then make me seems like I don't really know myself. Who am I? Why don't I have something that I am really passionate about? Or is there one but I am just not realising it? Anyone care to point out? I can't think of something that I am really obsessed about. Hmmm I remembered those schooling days where we were so obsessed about a particular celebrity/artists that everyone knows about it. We will know every single detail about our idol, having posters of the same face covering every single wall in our rooms, even having pictures of the celebrity in our purses. Then there were all the autograph books where friends would paste pictures of our favourite celebrity in it. Not to forget our nicknames were the names of the idols and even having email address with their names in it. Haha. The good old days. Anyway, my point is even back then I wasn't so crazy about a particular artist. I did have some favourites but come to think about it, it might be more of peer pressure than actually liking them. Lol. The only thing I can think off is I will be a good mother. Wahahahaha. Is not something I am good at currently but hopefully in the future. This is based on the number of 'kids' I had back in college. Practically, about quarter of the Chinese in AUSMAT were my 'kids'. Haha. Suddenly, I was everyone's "A mak". And there were a few occassions where people "yes mum" me here in Australia. OMG. I don't know what I did that got me into this label. Maybe I nag people too much like their mums. Oppsss. Haha. I am done with 'mothering' people for the time being until I have my own children =P So yeah, what are you good at? I will try to figure out what I do best. Damn. Is tough.

Friends

There will be time when friends surprise you. You will never expect yourself to have so much to discuss about or so much in common with some friends. Until something happen, sometimes it is the unexpected people that you turn to. It is only then you will discover more about your friend. Maybe because you share the same goals or same opinion about something with a not-so-close friend that makes it more comfortable to talk to them. Maybe in this situation, they will understand you more than others. Some friendship grows deeper. Creating a beautiful, genuine connection. Giving more support, sharing more love. It is also sometimes good to talk to an old friend. You might find yourself talking about things that you never talked to them about before. You might have not keep in touch with them for a long time, but you might be surprised how much comfort they can give you. Changes happen with time. Everyone changes. Even friendship changes. Some for the better, some not so. Give everyone a chances and you might be surprise what you will find out.

Rambling about random thoughts

When one claims that he/she understand another person well, how sure are you that you actually understand them well? There may be some underlying issues that is going on with that person that you may not know off. And by claiming that you know the person well, how well is well? Sometimes when one claims that he/she can predict how a person react or feel to a certain situation, how sure are you that you are not actually pressuring them to be like that. Unintentionally, you may confined them to be like that and not allowing them to show the actual side. They will be forced to pretend that everything is alright which the actual fact is not. They have to keep everything to themselves and just afraid that one day they can not take it anymore and explode. They may also be offended by you making such a statement. Do not say that you understand a person well when maybe you only know them around 30%?? Sometimes you may hit the right button but that may not be the case all the time. So do not claim that you understand everything without giving them a chance to explain. Always give a person some space. Note: It is just a thought and not refering to any particular person or situation.

The language of virtue

Speak less words of complaint

and more of forgiveness

as complaints bring about hatred

while forgiveness is wisdom.

.

Speak less words of sarcasm

and more of respectfulness

as sarcasm reveals disparagement

while respectfulness increase understanding.

.

Speak less words of harm

and more of thoughtfulness

as harm cause contraindication

while thoughtfulness develops friendship.

.

Speak less words of command

and more of discussion

as command forces acceptance

while discussion is true leadership.

.

Speak less words of criticism

and more of encouragement

as criticism creates barriers

while encouragement nurtures potential.

.

p/s: so don't encourage me to complaint my friend =P. LOL

Believe

Everyone have their own beliefs. Be it about religion, after-life, future or anything. Some believe there is God and others choose to be free thinker. Some believe in UFO, aliens, creatures in other planets or ghost. Some believe in modern medicine and others in traditional medicine. Some believe that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Some believe that in not taking anything too personally. Some believe that.... Everyone have their rights to believe in whatever that they want. It may be scientifically explained or it may not. It may be logical or not. It may not convience others to believe in the same way. Whatever it is, it is up to that person. So, respect other people's believe. Don't make fun of it, don't try to condemn it. If we cant make sense out of what other people believe, then just let it be. Don't try to convience them otherwise. The beliefs are something that people hold onto. Something to keep them going. Having said that, there is exceptional for everything. If one believe that ending their life or giving up hope is the best for them, of course you will not respect and let them do it. This is when you do have to convience them that there is a bright side of life. Their mind will be clouded by negative thoughts, that their believe is a danger to them. Sometimes is kinda hard to hold onto our own beliefs especially when things are going in the opposite direction. But do not let go of it. It is better to have something to grab hole off rather than nothing.

Heart vs. Mind

Heart vs mind. Do you listen to your heart or your mind more? Which one do you based on when you make a decision?

Our mind always tell us what should be done and what should be avoided. It weights the pros and cons (like a yellow legal pad =P) and based our decision on which has the better consequences. A person who listen to their mind more will act in a more proper manner. One will avoid (if possible) any actions that will cause problems. One will act in a way that will often leads to better outcomes, be it in the near future or far ahead.

Listening to your heart often leads to doing something that you feel like doing. It might not be appropriate but that is what you feel like doing. And hence, you just go ahead, doing it without worrying too much about the consequences. It is following your natural instinct.

There is often many situations where your heart tells you to do one thing but your mind tells the opposite. We will often be in a dilemma on whether to follow our mind or our heart. Our mind is usually right, keeping us out of trouble. But our heart is what we want, is something that we enjoy doing and willing to sacrifice for. So which one do you choose to follow? What we want isn't exactly the best for us. We might be enjoying it now but it won't last. It sometimes could turn out worst.

Alcohol is the best example. People are willing to spend heaps of money on it, enjoying the effects, enabling one to forgot about all the problems in life. Despite knowing the consequences that alcohol has on human health, people are still not bothered by it.

And sometimes we know we shouldn't and that's exactly why we do it. Humans are just complicating.

Sometimes I get so frustrated as not to know which one to follow. My mind or my heart. I have made mistakes by just following my heart, mistakes that my mind would have stopped me. I also have allowed my mind that over shadowed my heart. I do it because it is supposed to be done and not based on what I want.

It is kinda hard to pin point it out clearly but I guess it depends a lot on the situation you are in. Sometimes you follow your heart and others your mind. Nevertheless, sometimes you gotta balance both, what you want and what you should.

Why

Why

is it so difficult for me

to understand

to accept

.

Why

despite so many incidences

and obviousness

I still don't get it

.

Why

am I stubborn

and refuse to acknowledge

.

Why

don't I learn

and listen to advice

.

Why

do I keep doing this

to myself

and to others

.

Why

.

Because I care??

Thoughtfulness

I guess by spraining my foot and not being able to move freely, does allow myself to observe the surroundings and reflect on everything. It allows me to swallow myself in my own thoughts. I dunno; it is good or it is bad? Some people are just more thoughtful than others. Like a friend said the people that you are thoughtful to might not be as thoughtful back to you. Instead, they might be more thoughtful towards others. It is just an incomplete cycle. Sometimes, what goes around, doesn't come around. So, does that mean that people who are not as thoughtful are not as close as you thought they are? Does that mean that you should be less thoughtful to others? Or... I know that you should not have high expectations on others. You should not expect others to treat you the way you want it. You shouldn't get upset if things aren't progressing in the manner you would like them to be. So, does that mean you should be less thoughtful? What if the thoughtfulness does come naturally, so does that mean you should change yourself so that you get what you give? I reckon many people would say that it just didn't cross their mind. If you don't say it out, how do you expect others to know what you need? I guess that is true. But sometimes, it doesn't feel right if it is not being done, for me at least. Then one would argue what is right and what is wrong? So, how thoughtful should you be? p/s: does not mean to hurt anyone or blame anyone. it just agitated me to think about it

Birthday Celebration - Part 3

Opss i feel like jumping to the 3rd part first before coming back to the 2nd part of my 'wonderful' birthday celebrations. Well, the 3rd celebration started with me giving my own self a 'cool' birthday pressie. Sprained my foot and on crutches a day before my birthday, how wonderful is that. 'Thanking' myself very much for it. And because of me, the plan for the night's co-joint dinner celebration had to change. Not that it had much planning in the first place. So, instead of going out, everyone came by. Thanks for the food and cake. All I could do was just sitting there, watching people walking around, waiting for the food to come to me and not being able to go to it. Some people were so considerate that they started eating while preparing the food. I could see it through the wall peeps. Hehe. Is not that I wanna spoil any mood, is my birthday after all. But I can't stop but feeling sad when all that was written on my 'card' was about the incidence, getting well, being more careful and a toy to play. I know that was what happen but I don't need a whole card to remind me about it. It was already sad and pathetic enough. Imagine in years time when I looked back at it, all I will read about it just about my fall. Everyone is just making it sounds funny when I seriously dont think it is at all. Nothing else is being said. What a birthday card, sounds more like a get well soon card. I am not hinting for another card or anything but sometimes is the thought of it. I know I am being too sensitive now and I know all of you care, but I am just stating how I feel. Small little things can make me happy but nonethess can make me sad as well. A lot of little things that might not be significant to others but it is to me. I guess this celebration was just the sum of everything.

It

I promised myself that I'll never do it anymore But yet again I failed myself I just couldn't stand it I just couldn't hold it back any longer I just had to do it But as expected There wasnt any use of it It just got better for a while And returned to normal not long after So I kept telling myself Why do I do it Why do I keep on doing it Don't do it again Is not supposed to be that way But it will never go away Depending on the circumstances Depending on how I handle it It will always be it

No Worries

As we get older, we become more independent. We do not rely on our parents much. We handle everything ourselves. And, hence it will come to a stage that we tell them less as well. We tend not to tell them every details as we do not want them to worry. In certain aspects, they cannot help and by telling them all the problems will just make them worry more, especially when we are far away from home. I remembered complaining about my honours research to my mum. She got so worried that she started thinking on what on how she could help me; eg going to the library and get materials although she doesn't know exactly what I am working on, contacting someone that is working in agricultural field, asking my uncle who is a researcher etc etc. I was like... overwhelmed and find it quite cute. Quickly asking her not to do anything. Although I am not sure how much all those can help me but it is the thought that matters. So what do we do when we need to talk to someone? Most of the time we end up talking about our problems to our siblings or friends or just keep it to ourselves. Recently a friend said she felt much better complaining to friends than her mum as it would just make her mum worry more. That is true. Friends care about you, try to help you or most commmonly giving suggestions but they will worry about you only to a certain extent, not as much as your parents will. There is certain topic that we are not used to talk to our parents about nor comfortable talking about it. There may be a generation gap. However, that doesn't mean we should communicate less with our parents. They often feel more lonely as we grow up, leaving home persuing our own dreams, busy with our daily life. So, talk about happy stuff to our parents. Don't tell them about our problems if we do not want them to worry but no harm telling them if the problems are no longer problems. We can exhange opinions and learn from their experiences. We may be surprise sometimes with what they have to say. They will be so proud, knowing that their children are all grown up now. Opss, this remind me to better call my parents tonight. Hehe

When someone is crying...

Most of us will not know what to do if we see someone crying. We do not know what to say because we are afraid that it will just make things worst. So, most of us will just avoid the situation, trying not to notice and pretending that we did not realize. By that way, we do not need to face the person who is crying. It is mean but normal. I was in the library (as usual) when I saw one lady was crying. She was wiping off her tears but from my guess, she was still crying. We had eye contact. But I just turned away and continued walking. I acted like I did not see what was going on. And, I had to walk pass her again to get back to my table. This time I dare not look at her at all. I dont know. It was just an unconscious action and probably by not looking at her I am not obligated to help out. I felt bad afterwards. Maybe she needed help and I have the ability to help. It might make things better for her. But with my selfishness act, I just continued on with my work, feeling guilty just for a while. Not knowing what happen to her, I hope that she will be alright. But I reckon, I am not that daring to just simply approach a stranger and asking them what is wrong. Not everyone wants to talk about it. They might even get upset for being so noosy and might turn you away and ask you to mind your own business. It could be either way and it is up to us to choose the move. I might have acted differently if she was my friend but I will still be scare. I have been in the situations where people were crying in front of me. I will be nervous, not knowing how to console them and all I do best is just accompany them. And vice versa, I know it is hard for people to face me if I am crying. So, sometimes it is better to cry alone. p/s: instead of doing my honours proposal, this is how I spend my time in the library :P