Mood swings

Mood swings. Everyone has their own mood swings, due to different reasons, at different place, on different timing. I do realize that my mood swings are quite fast and high. One thing for sure, it is not a PMS syndrome. More like a seasonal thingy as I do not experience it on a monthly basis =P. It is more prevalence when I am not well and exam time. I am able to acknowledge and I do have to do something about it. I am learning. I am learning to handle it better, to not let things affecting me easily. Ignorance is bliss right? That is something I find very hard to learn. I do admire people who are able to careless about things, nothing gets in their way and just be happy. Which individual in this world who doesn't want to be happy right? I guess, for me I feel that if you can be ignorant about something, it means that you don't really care about it. I suppose that is why I take a lot of things seriously. I know do not make other people's problem your problem. I guess it wouldn't bother you too much but just try to help much as possible. Everyone needs a helping hand every now and then. I guess I was kinda upset for being punished for not being ignorant. Is not like I have done something bad, nothing really except for showimg my 'black, moody' face quite frequently nowadays =P. I felt like the good things that I have done is of no use. It sort of making me lose hope on the good things. That was my lowest moment. But I guess, everytime you fall, at some point you cant go any lower. You just gotta climb back up again. You gotta be strong at this stage to overcome any obstacles and get back to the top again. I was so pissed off one night and lots of thoughts were running in my head. I got very tired and is driving me nuts until I got to a point that I just let everything go. Knowing myself, I might not have learn everything from it. Everyone knows it not easy to change oneself. Instead of changing, I guess is better to learn to adjust to it first. What a friend once told me is very true. Knowing the kind of person I am, if I force myself not to care, I wont feel any better. I might just start to feel guilty then. Haha. I know I am complicating. So neither way is a solution. I just gotta live with it. Just do what my heart feels like doing, what makes me happy and most importantly having no regrets about it after.

Words speak louder than actions

Ironic isn't it that many people usually speak louder than their actions. But I guess this is what a normal human being usually does. They could show so much concerns by asking and asking, pastering other people but at the end of the day, no one actually wants to take up the responsibility. No one wants to stand up and take action. No one wants to be the leader and lead everyone. Everyone just pushes the responsibility around until someone, the one who has the highest obligation has to take up the responsibility. I reckon people usually doesn't care as much as they sound. All that is being done is just caring a little and then walk away. For certain people I guess that is the very much they'll do. Or I guess the relationship is not that close as they claim to be? Is it just me or this is just the way it how it suppose to be? Wouldn't it be unfair that people just wanna have fun but not wanting to do the work? I guess it comes down to some people just dont care as much. If that is the case, then dont speak as loud. If you want to speak then act on it. Haha. I am just confusing people and playing with words again. I just say what I wanna say.

Why

Why

is it so difficult for me

to understand

to accept

.

Why

despite so many incidences

and obviousness

I still don't get it

.

Why

am I stubborn

and refuse to acknowledge

.

Why

don't I learn

and listen to advice

.

Why

do I keep doing this

to myself

and to others

.

Why

.

Because I care??

Thoughtfulness

I guess by spraining my foot and not being able to move freely, does allow myself to observe the surroundings and reflect on everything. It allows me to swallow myself in my own thoughts. I dunno; it is good or it is bad? Some people are just more thoughtful than others. Like a friend said the people that you are thoughtful to might not be as thoughtful back to you. Instead, they might be more thoughtful towards others. It is just an incomplete cycle. Sometimes, what goes around, doesn't come around. So, does that mean that people who are not as thoughtful are not as close as you thought they are? Does that mean that you should be less thoughtful to others? Or... I know that you should not have high expectations on others. You should not expect others to treat you the way you want it. You shouldn't get upset if things aren't progressing in the manner you would like them to be. So, does that mean you should be less thoughtful? What if the thoughtfulness does come naturally, so does that mean you should change yourself so that you get what you give? I reckon many people would say that it just didn't cross their mind. If you don't say it out, how do you expect others to know what you need? I guess that is true. But sometimes, it doesn't feel right if it is not being done, for me at least. Then one would argue what is right and what is wrong? So, how thoughtful should you be? p/s: does not mean to hurt anyone or blame anyone. it just agitated me to think about it

Birthday Celebration - Part 2

I guess I didn't learn my numbers well. Anyway my 2nd celebration was fully organized by Amy. What would have been a celebration if was not for her. She invited the people, choosed the place, booked a table and pre-ordered the dishes. Planned for an outing after but because I didn't feel like going, the plan had to be changed. Felt bad because I did't even help in planning But thanks a lot Amy.

Anyway as the food was pre-ordered, it was served immediately after everyone has arrived. There were 13 of us with 11 dishes. Everyone was just attacking the food. The table wasn't at peace even for a second. Within half and hour, everything was cleared. It was kinda hilarious.

Then everyone head back to my place just to hang around to not end the night so soon. Just playing darts, card games and drinking games. Thanks everyone for coming, the dinner and the present. Finally I got them after patiently waited for almost a month. Hehe. It was an elegent set of candles which I choosed myself. (wanted to post some picture of it but due to my disability now, I guess I gotta postpone it, haih)

Birthday Celebration - Part 3

Opss i feel like jumping to the 3rd part first before coming back to the 2nd part of my 'wonderful' birthday celebrations. Well, the 3rd celebration started with me giving my own self a 'cool' birthday pressie. Sprained my foot and on crutches a day before my birthday, how wonderful is that. 'Thanking' myself very much for it. And because of me, the plan for the night's co-joint dinner celebration had to change. Not that it had much planning in the first place. So, instead of going out, everyone came by. Thanks for the food and cake. All I could do was just sitting there, watching people walking around, waiting for the food to come to me and not being able to go to it. Some people were so considerate that they started eating while preparing the food. I could see it through the wall peeps. Hehe. Is not that I wanna spoil any mood, is my birthday after all. But I can't stop but feeling sad when all that was written on my 'card' was about the incidence, getting well, being more careful and a toy to play. I know that was what happen but I don't need a whole card to remind me about it. It was already sad and pathetic enough. Imagine in years time when I looked back at it, all I will read about it just about my fall. Everyone is just making it sounds funny when I seriously dont think it is at all. Nothing else is being said. What a birthday card, sounds more like a get well soon card. I am not hinting for another card or anything but sometimes is the thought of it. I know I am being too sensitive now and I know all of you care, but I am just stating how I feel. Small little things can make me happy but nonethess can make me sad as well. A lot of little things that might not be significant to others but it is to me. I guess this celebration was just the sum of everything.

Birthday celebration - Part 1

Yohoo it is the time of the year again. Time to celebrate my birthday. Although I wasn't feeling enthu about it, thanks to my friends that made the celebration happen. And the celebration actually lasted about a week (so much for not wanting to celebrate). Hoho. The celebration started on Thursday, 11 Oct when Sailo, my housemate decided to cook for Huey Wen and me a birthday dinner since our birthdays are only 2 days apart. And we got a Japanese dinner, prawn and salmon sushi, katsudon and miso soup. Thanks for the dinner and the trouble of getting the Japanese ingredients just for that dinner (figure out what to do next with the extra sauces??) It was fun laughing at each other for the 'funny' expressions after eaten wasabi. I thought that was it for the night. A dinner, that's all I expected. But few hours later, she surprised us with I would say one of the best birthday present ever. A whole backyard filled with 22 handmade lanterns lighted up with candles.

Some of the lanterns made especially for us.

The lanterns on the clothes hanger and the creator.

These are all the lanterns made secretly without our knowledge. Going through all the trouble of hiding it from us (not easy as we always go into her room) and staying up late to complete it. Gotta make sure both of us are asleep before finishing it in peace =P. And the sneaking to the backyard to hang it up when my room is facing the backyard. It was a tough project.

I was so stunt when I first saw it, speechless. It was simply amazing. Too bad it looked like it was going to rain, if not could have just sit and enjoy the view of it. I was very touched and still am by the effort she put in to give us the surprise despite having tonnes of work to do. I really appreciate it. Thanks a lot. I dont know what else to say. You are simply wonderful, Sailo.

p/s: Felt bad after for disturbing her the night before causing her to sleep late and all the unexpected knocking on the door. Hehe.